Entries Tagged 'Uncategorized' ↓

From Those Bastards:

From CNN:

An open microphone caught President Bush in an unguarded moment Monday as the escalating crisis in the Middle East prompted him to use an expletive in a conversation with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

…

Apparently not expecting an open mic to pick up his remarks, Bush told Blair: “See the irony is what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it’s over.”

I hate to say this, but George W. Bush is exactly right on this one — Syria has to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit. Except if you are the president, it’s good to use words other than shit. We’ve already established that he’s pretty stupid. Geedub can find Syria on the map, much less spell it.

Lebanon is just a helpless target in this situation, and most of the residents have no idea why their homes are being destroy because a militant terrorist group that is supported by everyone except for the Lebanonese government is getting involved.

Welcome to Middle East — leave the logic at the door.

Download “Bastard of the Blogs” cards: David Winer, Michelle Malkin, Wil Wheaton, Daily Kos, Robert Scoble | Who’s Next?

Terri Schiavo is dead, and the Crawford Ranch Boys are not taking this one lightly. You can count on more government intervention, more oppression, more angry Republican rhetoric and, of course, more Witch Hunting.

This is, after all, the time of Witch Hunts and vengeance in America. First on the list will be that poor, befuddled judge in Atlanta, Stanley F. Birch, Jr., who thought someone cared in this cold, crazy place. He actually raised his eyes from the ground and looked the Devil in the face.

Mr. DeLay has a special place for him. But first, Tom will mourn for a woman he never knew. Then he will eat well and sleep like a King, and awake tomorrow, to the joy of seeking venegeance. The world he creates in Terri Schiavo’s name, in the gentle memory of Terri that Tom DeLay holds so dear, will be a shop of horrors for those of us who believe in freedom. Have a great day!

Laura Bush should attend a dogfight during her visit to Afghanistan. It would be good for her to see, and would perhaps provide some ideas on how to sharpen the point of Conservative blood lust. Tom DeLay, Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld may be mean and cold, but even they lack the sheer violent nature of an Afghan dog trained to kill. She may even want to referee, as officials at the older-than-old competition between canines are there to make sure all dogs fight, all the time. She should be able to apply lessons of persistence learned to the Terri Schiavo case, and make poor Terri � emancipated by years of tug-of-war between parents and husband � get back on that tube and fight for the right.

No good dog is out of it until the main artery spurts.

Of course, Laura knows this � and as she wings toward the veil-shrouded women so to show them what a real Christian Woman should look and act like, there�s no reason why she can�t weigh in on the Terri Schiavo tragedy.

Yes � it is a tragedy, because no one should be starved to death, least of all because the money designated for her treatment has gone to our very own fighting-lust dogs. The politicians and lawyers have the blood scent now, and they have gathered around, tugging and tearing at the carcass of a family�s misery, eating political capital and airtime and all the things so much more important to us, in our world. Terri Schiavo is dying a horrid death because of a family fight, kids are shooting up Minnesota schools, there�s a porn freak in the Boy Scouts, and Queen Laura is off to the land of poppies and dead dogs.

God Bless her.

These are Dark Days in the Shining Cities of Bush America. Lights go out early; and the good people shutter their windows, pull down their blinds and keep a watch for shadows, flickering in fire and black on blacker walls, and pray that They Do Not Stop.

You don�t want them to stop.

They stopped at the door of Major League Baseball, because the sport defiled the notion of conservative Christian fair play even though voters in Florida and polling stations in Ohio testified to a far more heinous crime against the American people.

Cheaters. They are all cheaters up on the Hill, and always have been. Few men cut from the cloth of fair play and dignity make it to these thin halls; most understand the Club Difference: Cheating is okay up to the point where it becomes ugly, and public. The Black Sox scandal was ugly, public and Joe Jackson paid the price. Pete Rose bet on baseball for years � but when the bets came due and the people holding the slips were not in a mood for privacy, then poor Pete had to go. Steroids in baseball were tolerated, nae, celebrated in the nineties, when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa revived the sport in the Middle of America. The script was perfect: Sammy was the happy little brown man who made everyone laugh and gave us tingles with his story of thanksgiving, and Big Mac was cut right out the Babe, a conquering White Male, a Giant of a Man � and the kind of guy you really could have a beer with.

No one drinks with Barry.

For the past five years, Bonds has been making a mockery of the game, enough so that they were growing restless, and the plausibility of it all began to stretch out of shape. Then it got good and ugly � and really public — with Jose Canseco�s book, and the Crawford Ranch Riot Boys called a meeting.

Cheaters.

Sosa, hiding behind his language and his lawyer, squeaked out a denial that no sane man will ever believe. McGwire did not, and became the wounded deer in this new blood sport game of Congress. Poor Big Mac. He will forever be ruined by the memory of his day in front of the Boys. For him, the image of Canseco poised over his exposed buttocks, syringe at the ready, was just too much for a good Christian Republican to take. That sort of public outing doesn�t happen to a Hero, it doesn�t happen to a man cut like the Babe.

During this dark time of Christian witch hunts in the name of God and Decency, it just doesn�t happen at all.

Stop Walmart.

Forget the weak-kneed unions, the flimsy environmental concerns � as if we Americans ever really did care about Mother Earth. Never mind the social blight that is every single Walmart, with its trash and beater cars in the parking lots, squealing kids in he aisles and warehouse-style mentality.

We should stop Walmart because it is un-American. Yep. Walmart is as anti-Yankee doodle as a Syrian Whorehouse, because Walmart is bad for all business except its own business. Walmart squeezes suppliers down to the ground, putting small suppliers out of business and forcing them to raise prices on other retailers. It doesn�t take an MBA to figure out that Walmart destroys competition, which creates the social blight of vacant stores and boarded up windows. With their almighty leverage, they can price suppliers out of business � and they, in turn, by raising prices elsewhere, help to hasten the demise of the competition.

America is about small business and fair competition. Walmart is about greed and the destruction of our culture, through the demise of small shops, small business and a social choice: where do we spend our dollar?

Stop Walmart!

If I could, I would smoke for the rest of my life.

Not because I enjoy it; and not because it makes me cool, and certainly not because my friends are doing it. I simply started a long, long, time ago and now it is as much a part of who I am as my nose or my eyes or my voice or my cough.

There�s no getting away from it. Once you smoke, the stink stays on you.

So I quit; but not because I really wanted to. I quit because I am afraid of being a loser, and smokers are, in fact, the biggest group of losers around. The science is clear � smokers die young. And unless you are a Bible Thumping Bushie or a Muslim Loon, no one really wants to die at 55 with two black lungs. The only reason people smoke is for the addiction, and the addiction will kill you just as sure as getting stoned on crack will put you in a box � it just takes longer.

So I quit. Cold turkey. For months.

And then I started again. And then I quit again. And all I really know is that if I could, I would smoke for the rest of my life.