Entries Tagged 'War' ↓

Memo to Judge Fink: the next time you get a curveball in the courtroom, count to 20 before you open your trap.

On a choking hot day in the So Cal, Fink, a sub-judge in Los Angeles Superior Court, was presiding over a mundane, boring, run of the mill restraining order case when the bombshell landed: the woman who brought the case against her husband admitted that yes, indeed, she was an ILLEGAL. Which presented Fink with a difficult dilemma: continue with the case and ignore Federal Law, or have the woman arrested and deported – which ironically would have given her what she wanted. Instead of calling a 10 minute recess and mulling over the situation, Fink chose to climb onboard the soapbox and proclaim his distaste for the law. Then, in a moment of sheer and mindless brilliance, he then guaranteed headlines for at least a week by pointed the power of his seat like a gun at the feet of the woman, commanding her to dance right on out of his courtroom. He gave her 20 seconds, and, then – surely for dramatic effect – began to count, treating her like a sullen child. When she was gone – no word on how many seconds it took for her to scramble out of the doors – the judge looked around and dismissed the case, saying that because the woman who brought the case was no longer in the room, why, they obviously could not move forward.

Maybe he had a tee time. Or a lunch date. Or maybe he thought that it would be a clever way to get on talk radio. Best of all, Fink has done all of us legals a valuable service by setting the standard on how long it takes to chase an illegal. And who knows — had he counted in Spanish, it might’ve been only 10 seconds!

And just think: Fink just may be on to something. Instead of trying to solve problems, we should just tell the problem to go away, then count to 20. It will make us feel big about ourselves, to be sure, and heck – if the problem’s not around, who needs a solution?

“Bush knows many blacks distrust GOP”

Bush finally showed up at an NAACP meeting and told more than 2,200 people that racism still exists in the USA.

In case you thought dodging bombs in Lebanon was tough, try avoiding a careening Winnebago in Iowa. That’s right – going on right now is the Blue Ox Back Seat Driver Competition. For the 37th year, motorhome owners will try their luck at navigating an obstacle course blindfolded by following directions over a radio. The event draws over 3,500 motorhome drivers from around the nation, and is perhaps the largest and most grotesque celebration of conspicuous fuel consumption.

Ahh. But wait a sec. There is something sweetly appropriate about this event. Consider: While the rest of the world is under siege from any number of calamities, while the US suffers from high gas prices, record hot weather and fat kids, thousands of blindfolded conservatives gather in an Iowa field. It’s perfect. Nothing says Bush America quite like a blind old freak behind the wheel of a Winnebago – especially when they start driving backwards.

From Those Bastards:

From CNN:

An open microphone caught President Bush in an unguarded moment Monday as the escalating crisis in the Middle East prompted him to use an expletive in a conversation with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

…

Apparently not expecting an open mic to pick up his remarks, Bush told Blair: “See the irony is what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it’s over.”

I hate to say this, but George W. Bush is exactly right on this one — Syria has to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit. Except if you are the president, it’s good to use words other than shit. We’ve already established that he’s pretty stupid. Geedub can find Syria on the map, much less spell it.

Lebanon is just a helpless target in this situation, and most of the residents have no idea why their homes are being destroy because a militant terrorist group that is supported by everyone except for the Lebanonese government is getting involved.

Welcome to Middle East — leave the logic at the door.

Download “Bastard of the Blogs” cards: David Winer, Michelle Malkin, Wil Wheaton, Daily Kos, Robert Scoble | Who’s Next?

Burn, baby. Burn! It’s coming soon to a housing tract near you, and maybe even your own: wildfires, hot and raging house eaters, burning down McMansions and wrecking every lawn from Moreno Valley to Anaheim, Ca. Thanks to global warming, we live in a time where wild and crazy weather is what we can expect when we climb out of bed, jump in our SUVs and head to work with the rest of the lemmings in the shiny boxes. From Katrina to hundreds of thousands of charred acres in Montana and Yucca Valley, the weather outside has turned decidedly frightful, life threatening and out of control.

Thank you, Mr. Bush. You and your Dad can hold up New Orleans as the waterlogged and bloody fruit of your oil-addled policies.

Tut, tut. Such nasty talk never solved anything, but hey – it sure does feel good to have you Massachusetts boys to blame. Fact is we bought the ticket and now we ride on a big bus headed for Trouble Town, packing along with us our insatiable need to consume fossil fuel. It’s growing, too, like Freddy the Flame at a Bark Beetle Festival.

Not that we care. Bad news of the complicated kind, why, we just glaze over and light another cigarette, change the channel and pop another Liprinosil. We’re more fixated on the health of a horse – ignoring that the only reason for his survival is as stud payoff for his owners – than what’s going on around us. Whatever the reason – work, HBO, ESPN or just plain indifference, the collective “we” have covered our faces, plugged up our ears and have flat turned away from the news that matters:

1. The Middle East conflict is sending the price of oil to $100 per barrel, which will set the price of gas – on a national average – to over $4 per gallon. This means that in major metro areas around the country, gas will clip $4.50 a gallon. Look for it later this year – hooray! Despite this, we continue to consume more gasoline, which makes oil companies very happy, but Mother Earth really, really, mad, which makes her do crazy things like send us heat waves, cold spells, drought and hurricane.

2. Greenland is melting. Greenland is melting! It was on the front page of the LA Times, not so long ago, but no one read it – it was just so darn long. When the waters rise and we lose Newport Beach, we’ll all wonder why – and that’s when Happy Pappy Gore will pop back up, that old crazy Greenie – but he won’t seem so crazy anymore.

3. Automakers continue to play mind games when it comes to conservation, ignoring the facts and pushing our weak-fingered government around, stifling any significant rise in the CAF� fuel standard and tooting the horn of what is one of the biggest frauds perpetrated on the American public: E85 fuel. E85 is not the solution and will never be the solution, unless some farmer in Iowa finds a magic corn husk that will make all the problems disappear, like distribution, refining inefficiencies, and most of all, the flat out fact that E85 fuel is less efficient and only slightly better for the environment.

That’s just the start, but it gets complicated – and my brain is beginning to glaze. Here’s the headline, just so we can all stay in focus: Bush: We’re Screwed. Sorry!

Impeach him. Please?